Sexual blockage and how to deal with it?
Sexual blockage. It is said for a reason that our brain is primarily responsible for our sexual life. Stimulated by the action of hormones and neurotransmitters, it regulates our sexual tension, sexual attraction, arousal, and desire for intimacy. It can also create blockages against physical closeness. Where does a sexual blockage come from and how to deal with it?
What is a sexual blockage and how does it manifest?
Sexual blockage is also called sexual frigidity or sexual anorexia. It affects both genders, but is more commonly found in women. Contrary to its alternative names, a person suffering from intimacy issues is not devoid of positive emotions and libido, nor are they asexual. Often, they experience sexual arousal or at least a desire for physical closeness, but there is a blockage against engaging in sexual activity.
Sexual frigidity can also be characterized by insensitivity to sexual stimuli, lack of arousal, appropriate responses during sexual contact, and lack of sexual satisfaction, which can cause frustration, further discouragement to sexual activity, and complete withdrawal from sexual life.
This is difficult not only for the person affected by the sexual blockage, which is independent of their will or desire, but also for the partner of the person. In extreme cases, the sexual blockage can even take the form of a blockage against touch.
Sexual blockage - Sexual disorders and causes
The causes of sexual blockage can vary from trivial to more serious ones. Among young people or those who have never started their sexual life, the cause may be the worldview they adhere to (e.g., excessive religiosity), upbringing, lack of sexual education, or emotional immaturity.
Sexual blockage is a way to protect oneself, one's self-image, and is the result of an internal conflict between desires and moral prohibitions or fears. The problem may arise when the person affected by this condition wishes to establish closer relationships with others.
A sexual disorder can be not only primary but also secondary - when the person already had a sexual life, but for some reason, ceased such activities. The causes of this condition can be diverse.
- Failures in previous sexual activity, often caused by physical or psychological conditions - for example, in women painful intercourse, vaginal dryness, or lack of orgasm, in men - impotence or other problems with erection or ejaculation, as well as psychological factors, such as fear of embarrassment or failing to meet a partner's expectations;
- Traumatic experiences related to the sexual sphere, such as rape or molestation, can cause psychological and physical blockage against sex. There may even be a blockage against being touched by others, even those close, as well as other desire disorders, hormonal disorders, and changes in sexual needs. If there is suspicion that the reason may be related to a traumatic event or series of events from the past, it is worth using trauma therapy, which can reduce or remove somatic and emotional symptoms of trauma in a short time. For example, trauma therapy with Havening Techniques.
- Blockage against men in women is often caused by fears of unwanted pregnancy, contracting sexually transmitted diseases, as well as by a lack of acceptance of their own body - often also qualitative or incorrect sexual education contribute to the emergence of various psychological problems, and even sexual arousal disorders;
- The causes can also be less serious and transient, such as periods of increased stress or fatigue, overwork, postpartum state, low mood, conflict with a partner, etc.;
- Sexual blockage can also occur as a result of depression or a nervous breakdown. A decrease in sexual desire can also be observed in many young mothers, in whom, due to changes/disruptions in the family functioning pattern, additional stress, and hormonal changes, sexual activity and sexual desire change, which in turn cause difficulties in the relationship.
- A decrease in libido and lack of desire for sex can also occur as a result of taking medications or hormonal changes, especially in females.
Diagnosis of sexual blockage and problems with sex
The question often arises - is my aversion to sex already a sexual blockage and dysfunction, or can it not yet be considered as such? As mentioned, problems in this area can be caused by transient reasons, such as a state of increased stress or low mood, changes occurring in the relationship, conflicts, starting a family, limited time for rest, or the effect of taking medications.
Then, a reduced libido does not have to be pathological, and these are not always sexual problems. We are not obliged to be ready for sex at every moment of life; in some periods, the desire for sexual activity may be lower.
It's worth considering professional help if such a blockage persists for a long time, its cause is unknown, or it creates problems in the relationship due to a discrepancy in partners' needs. Permanent fear of sex can turn into a fixed problem, and in women lead to conditions such as vaginismus or dyspareunia, which cause pain during intercourse and further withdrawal from sexual activities, as well as many other sexual and family disorders.
Sexual Blockage - Treatment
In the case of problems in sexual life, it's worth seeking help from a sexologist or psychotherapist. Sometimes pharmacotherapy may be necessary, but it's advisable to start with psychotherapeutic methods.
Therapeutic success depends largely on the patient's attitude, overcoming shame, and admitting to the disorder. Treatment of sexual blockage can be in the form of both individual therapy and couples therapy.
Individual therapy allows for the discovery of deep causes of the disorder, while couples therapy aims to improve the functioning of both individuals in the relationship. Sexual blockage or a blockage against touch is undoubtedly a difficult experience for the affected person, but also for their partner, who may blame themselves for inappropriate behavior, feel guilty, or have an inadequate, diminished self-image due to the sexual coolness of a loved one.
Anger caused by sexual tension that finds no outlet due to the continuous aversion of the other person may also arise. It's worth discovering the reasons for such behavior with a therapist, talking openly, and working together on a solution.
Besides classical academic methods, alternative practices with documented effectiveness are also worth trying, such as stress-reduction techniques, Havening therapy, tantric massage, and techniques of Eastern medicine, which for many people, who are negatively predisposed towards academic methods, offer an alternative that often provides quick, and sometimes faster, effects on various sexual disorders.
Stress-reduction techniques
Stress-reduction techniques can help overcome sexual blockage, especially if it's caused by excessive psychological tensions - this could be a stressful period at work, conflicts in the relationship, or self-doubt in the sexual relationship, fear of failure.
Examples of stress-reduction techniques include meditation, yoga nidra, conscious muscle relaxation techniques, or breathing techniques, such as diaphragmatic breathing. Fighting stress can also be helped by physical activity, contact with nature, and emotional closeness with a partner, open conversation. This can be combined, for example, by taking a calm walk in the forest together.
Havening Techniques®
Havening therapy is effective when sexual blockage is caused by past traumas, whether it's sexual violence or failures in the sexual area of life. Havening therapy enables the rapid elimination of fears caused by past traumas. It is a psychosensory technique that uses sensory stimuli, mainly touch and eye movements, to reduce negative emotions. The therapist helps the patient change their default attitude towards the problematic area of life in this way. Often, the effects are visible after just one session.
Tantric massage
True Tantric Massage can help your sexual life be reborn. Find a quiet evening in your calendars, light some scented candles, provide sensual music. Atmosphere is important, but the essence of tantric massage is opening up to each other. The main goal of the massage is not (and should not be) to lead each other to orgasm, but to release deep relaxation and complex sensations not only physical but also spiritual and mental. Orgasms may take place, but it shouldn't be the goal.
Unfortunately, in many couples, there may be conscious or subconscious reasons for conflict that prevent the conduct of a qualitative tantric massage that would only have benefits. In such cases, we invite you to read an article about what tantric massage is and how it can help you. In case of difficulties in the relationship, it's best if each partner receives true tantric massages individually. Read more about what tantric massage is.
Eastern Medicine
Techniques from Eastern medicine, such as Ayurveda, or drawing from Taoist philosophy, can also be helpful for sexual problems. According to Eastern spiritual masters, sexuality is life energy. They suggest ways to release this energy using various techniques or exercises. One such exercise is building sensitivity towards each other, where partners sit facing each other, looking into each other's eyes, not speaking, and gradually removing their clothing. This exercise builds closeness, not just physically but primarily emotionally. Another exercise involves working with beliefs about sex, which consists of selecting one of the beliefs that causes negative emotions in us and changing our attitude towards it.
Often, the application of a combination of different methods to cope with sexual blockage can bring benefits. However, the most crucial aspect is trust in the relationship with a sexual partner and their support. Most importantly, it involves working on clear, mutual communication between partners regarding their needs, which forms the basis of a successful sexual life. From our side, we can invite you to what we can do qualitatively, namely true tantric massage.
Leave a comment